Why do kids lie and as a parent how to handle it?
Mother: What happened, you look soo sad?
Child: I lost my pencil in school today. In spite of being very careful about my things in school.
Mother: Hmmm.. fine let me check with your school teacher.
Child (gets worried): I might have lost on the way to school, what will the teacher know about it?
Mother (noticed the child is getting uncomfortable): Ok, now you change your dress and freshen up.
After a while mother checks the child's bag and finds the pencil in his bag. Mother realized the child lied, but she was not sure why he had to lie?
Experts say, Children often lie to their parents, But they can't make out the difference if the lying is good or bad. But as parents we need to understand, What's the reason behind kids lying to parents? to peer friends? to other adults?
As parents, its normal to get angry and take it personally when their children lie. But then being personal about it, finding out the reasons for lying is very important, also lying is just an outcome of several complex emotions running in your child's mind.
What happens? Behind the scenes
Generally, these are common reasons why they choose to hide truth or lie.
To establish identity - Child might be lying to his friends about things which he has not done and experienced to make himself more impressive. Peer pressure makes children to lie.
Keeping up secret- Children lie to keep certain things private from parents, which they consider not so terrible lie. Not keeping up with rules and regulations prescribed by parents & to show they obey the rules makes them to lie.
Attention - Children lie to get attention from their parents when they feel discarded.They make believe things from their imaginations to prove its right.
Avoid trouble – Kids lie to avoid themselves getting into trouble there may be cases which they shouldn't have done, instead of getting into trouble and facing consequences they lie to get out of it.
But, How to deal with such situation?
Never call your child as liar
Don't describe the problem even if you know your child is lying rather ask them if he has done anything which is making him to lie, never call your child as liar – make child's confidence level low, instead make him to confess about the wrongdoings.
Ask what do his/her friends have and he/she would like to have?
Find out why your child is lying and what the reason behind it, sometimes the group pressure from the environment makes them low, to achieve things in school and social environment which in turn makes them to lie.
No complex rules, please
It may be the strict rules you have imposed in home making the child to lie which he/she cannot able to obey. Make them to tell the truth even though its harsh to express, this boosts their confidence.
Take time to tell moral stories
Teach your child the significance of saying the truth and by lying, people won't believe even though you are honest. Teach moral to child so that they know the effects of lying. Tiger -Tiger story is one good example of what happened to the shopkeeper when the real Tiger attacked him.
You under watch, No lying on Phone call
Children learn through observing elders behavior than any other means,this is where you act consciously and teach your child good and bad. Circumstances may arise where you need to tell your child that lying in certain situations is acceptable. But take an effort to explain why you had to not tell truth.
Come on!! Being truthful is dignity
Encourage and praise your child when they tell the truth and congratulate them for being honest.
Lying is a problem with every kid and its a phase in their life to go through, we as parents need to teach them how to solve problems in more effective ways.